You know what's happening, right? The AV is priming you for a drinking spree. Life is boring, hard. You are a failure, you're tired, you can't cope.
You know that Bob Newhart sketch, where he says "Stop It?"
That's what you need to tell your AV. Just stop it.
These are still early days, my friend. What you can change is to dial back your expectations of yourself. Recovery takes a good while longer than a month. You can change falling back into the same destructive patterns.
I swear, when I first got sober for good, I spent a good year saying to myself, "My only goal is to Not Drink." Anything more than that was gravy. More happened, for sure, but it was vital to take the pressure off of myself. If I gained a few pounds, if the grass didn't get cut, if I didn't deal with the pile of junk outside, too bad. Because I was Not Drinking. No attitude, just "This is how it is right now." You don't need to have a goal right now (aside from Not Drinking). You don't need to measure up against anyone's yardstick. And I'm sure you've heard that one shouldn't measure one's insides against other peoples' outsides. It's just not a fair comparison. And anyhow, do you want to be like those other people, really? I'll bet not. You probably just want to get out of your skin right now. And that's understandable. It's hard not having something to 'take the edge off,' but I promise the edges will soften as you stick with your commitment to your own authenticity.
As far as the work situation goes, here's my unsolicited advice (what's new, right?
): Go talk to whoever it is you fear you may be 'in trouble' with. Tell them you are really bothered about the thing that happened and want to be sure to do what you can to fix it - or prevent it from happening in the future. Ask for their opinion and guidance. You know I don't particularly agree with my manager in many respects, but I've found that she is very receptive to this approach and sometimes even tells me that I have nothing to worry about. Even when she doesn't say that, it helps enormously to lead with something like "I was really upset by xyz the other day and thought I'd like to ask for your input." Matter-of-fact with little emotion works best.
Big hug, Five
Hang in there.
O