On serial relapsing
It's Day 4 for me and my pattern these past few months has been get sober for a few weeks, get drunk for a week. When I'm drinking I don't deny to myself that I'm alcoholic but I tell myself I can pull off being a functional one. Until I wish to stop and the insomnia and anxiety kicks in and then I'm so grateful to get to somewhere like today, a Day 4, where I've slept well for the first time in a while and wake up feeling good. But I know after a few weeks I'll feel battered by emptiness and will be like, 'Well I've got to drink, I can't live like this.' And then after a week of drinking I'll be like, 'Well I've got to be sober, I can't live like this...'
I know it's just garden variety alcoholism but the dichotomy in my head living like this is driving me crazy! Anyway I'm just venting really.