Originally Posted by
Lauralynn 
Wow, thank you so much for all of your responses, it really means alot. I will definitely have a look and read through other threads. I clearly suffer from deeper issues regarding my childhood. I suppose what's really hard to accept is the fact he seems so fine now without me.. example..booking holidays,tinder and going to concerts, I feel like I did so much to help him yet he seems so fine without me, it makes me feel like I was his reason for drinking. Will he actually ever realise what he's lost!?
Iv grew up with drink around me Inc my mum, dad and sister, they all love to drink so I obviously accepted this was normal until I realised it wasn't.
Is he fine? Well as much as he can be yes. He is an alcoholic and he deals with that every day. Alcoholism changes a person's brain, their emotions, their response to what would normally make them feel good (ie: what might have made him happy before - a good dinner - pales in comparison to the rush of feel good signals in the brain when drinking).
Who rushes out looking online for other women after a big breakup? Someone who can't stand to be alone. He "seems" fine but really, there is no such thing as a happy alcoholic.
He may well have wanted some kind of normal life, this is not unusual, but wanting that and actually being able to DO that are two far different things. It's hard to maintain a relationship when all you want to do is drink, then drink some more tomorrow. You were never his reason for drinking. He drank before he met you, while you were together and now you are apart he is still drinking, this is about him, not you. The only thing that might make him feel "freer" or "happier" now is that no one is bothering him about his drinking.
If you try to come between an addict and his drug - you will become the "enemy" eventually.
Will he ever realize what he's lost? Maybe, maybe not. He might have a moment of clarity here and there, but it doesn't matter because he just wants to drink.
This isn't actually about you, or the two of your together, it's about him and his relationship with alcohol (which yes, is more important to him than you or anyone else).