My Mom and Dad were pretty awesome for the most part - think of Ward and June on "Leave It to Beaver." But there were instances when Dad was visibly drunk. I can only remember a couple but who knows if there were more and I've just sort of suppressed them? My late husband's drinking was something I thought he'd 'outgrow.' The red flags were there, all right, and I saw them, but I guess I thought they'd fade and disintegrate and go away by themselves.
Separate from that (and it really is) Dad and I didn't get along. It was pretty clear he favored my sister (she agrees) I had very low self esteem, barely dated in school, and I thought I'd never get another chance to get married. I remember my mindset being 'everyone is paired up/ in a relationship except me.' Intellectually, I know that wasn't true, but my emotions were ruling me.
In contrast after I was widowed, looking to date again, I realized that I might not ever find another partner. As a woman in my mid-fifties, that was/is a realistic outlook. The demographics were not in my favor: men die sooner than women, the ones still alive and kickin' often have partners. The ones that don't have partners may wish to remain single, and a surprising percentage were only willing to date women a lot younger than themselves.. Whenever I wrote an ad, went on a meet-and-greet as a real live adult - I kept in my head that being without a partner was better than being in a relationship with the wrong person. I wish I'd hit that point in my mid-twenties. But in my fifties, I'd had the life experience of marriage with someone who wasn't right for me. We really do 'live and learn.'