Yes, it's very sad, I'm sorry you got hurt. Maybe remembering that there were some good times, you two probably started out better than you ended and every relationship has some saving grace. You will heal, there will be brighter days - really.
At the same time, never forget that this was not the relationship for you. She does not have the same values as you, you would perhaps be more comfortable with a partner that doesn't drink or only drinks a bit socially once in a while. That's something you have learned now - that's valuable to you.
You know, alcoholism or really any addiction or mental illness is pretty self involved, it has to be by it's very nature.
Most people don't understand addiction until they come face to face with it, it's not something we learn in school or from friends, generally - so until you come across it, you can't know. It's too bad how it came about but now you do know and that will put you on a good footing going forward.
Yes, she feels bad for herself, she probably has little room for your point of view and is not willing to entertain it.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships "Spouses and other family members begin to ask a perfectly logical question: "If you really love and care about me, why do you keep doing what you know hurts me so badly?" To this the addict has no answer except to promise once again to do better, "this time for real, you'll see!" or to respond with grievances and complaints of his own. The question of fairness arises as the addict attempts to extenuate his own admitted transgressions by repeated references to what he considers the equal or greater faults of those who complain of his addictive behavior. This natural defensive maneuver of "the best defense is a good offense" variety can be the first step on a slippery slope that leads to the paranoid demonization of the very people the addict cares about the most.
Unable any longer to carry the burden of his own transgressions he begins to think of himself as the victim of the unfairness and unreasonableness of others who are forever harping on his addiction and the consequences that flow from it. "Leave me alone," he may snap. "I'm not hurting anybody but myself!" He has become almost totally blind to how his addictive behavior does in fact harm those around him who care about him; and he has grown so confused that hurting only himself has begun to sound like a rational, even a virtuous thing to do!
From the same article:
.
"As the addictive process claims more of the addict's self and lifeworld his addiction becomes his primary relationship to the detriment of all others. Strange as it sounds to speak of a bottle of alcohol, a drug, a gambling obsession or any other such compulsive behavior as a
love object, this is precisely what goes on in advanced addictive illness. This means that
in addiction there is always infidelity to other love objects such as spouses and other family - for the very existence of addiction signifies an allegiance that is at best divided and at worst -and more commonly- betrayed. For there comes a stage in every serious addiction at which the paramount attachment of the addict is to the addiction itself. Those unfortunates who attempt to preserve a human relationship to individuals in the throes of progressive addiction almost always sense their own secondary "less than" status in relation to the addiction - and despite the addict's passionate and indignant denials of this reality, they are right:
the addict does indeed love his addiction more than he loves them.
Addiction protects and augments itself by means of a bodyguard of lies, distortions and evasions that taken together amount to a full scale assault upon consensual reality. Because addiction involves irrational and unhealthy thinking and behavior, its presence results in cognitive dissonance both within the addict himself and in the intersubjective realm of ongoing personal relationships".