Originally Posted by
Obladi 
I hear you, friend.
That cycle you're in is a killer, sucks the life out of you while promising to give you an 'escape.' All I can say today is that I know you can stop for good. I just do. Facing the fallout or whatever from your wife might be unpleasant for sure, but it beats the livin daylights out of continuing to survive in what I call "the greyness."
Don't wait too long to make up your mind. I can't begin to convey the weight of regret I feel for the years I was absent from my kids. I was there doing all of the carpooling and whatnot, but even when there was no alcohol in my system I'll bet I was looking forward to when I could get away and drink again. It's absolutely shocking how much I gave away for booze. You can still avoid the worst of it - all it takes is an ironclad decision. (I say that like it's easy, and I know it isn't. But in the end that's really the only choice there is.)
O
Obladi the cycle is the killer, yes. The promise of an escape... I'm basically trying to escape from my whole life. I try to be careful because some small piece of me still thinks I can get away with it.
The fallout from my wife, relatives, and friends is a factor for sure. Bigger than that is gonna be a while different life though. It's gonna be much happier to be alive of course...but socially things will be microscopic. As you said what choice is there really.
I don't want to give more away, and my regrets are already such a big part of my life. And what for. Yet that term ironclad was what stuck out to me so much the first time I read this. It scares me.