Soberclover, I'm so very sorry for your loss. It is devastating to lose a spouse.
We're here for you. As another source of support, if you feel like it, you might check out grief support groups in your area. Most hospice organizations offer them. There are some that are specific to losing a spouse - I found this very helpful after losing my husband last year. These days a lot of groups are available over zoom.
Well done on not drinking ... I think the only way out of grief, is through. But you can do it.