I feel codependent is a really misunderstood word! I really enjoyed Pia Mellody’s “Facing Codependence” because it helped me realize the many different ways these patterns can express themselves (antidependence, for instance) and where they come from (which includes a variety of unstable childhoods, including from narcissistic parents or abusive parents or even simply parents with codependent patterns themselves from their own childhood traumas).
One of the best things someone shared with me here, is even if I am not codependent as a person, my relationship with someone in active addiction will become codependent in dynamic at some point. (Now, when my AXH was in recovery this was not the case, but when he was in active addiction, it definitely became true for us briefly!)