Hey Five,
Which part of it was just that easy? The week of not drinking or the decision to down a handful of shrooms? (Not asking you a pointed question here - I sincerely am wondering.)
I think if you don't know if you're really trying, you're not really trying. I think you know what trying really really hard feels like - it's like running or biking to the point where you're sure you just can't go on even one more minute. You either drop out and say, "Sheesh, I'm out of shape. I'm not going to try that again until I lose a few pounds." OR you stay in for one more excruciating minute. And then another, and another, fighting every moment of each minute because you know eventually you'll break the wall.
Hoisting yourself out of that armchair of ambivalence doesn't get easier the longer you wait.
O