It's always difficult ending a relationship, even if it's a toxic one. There is a very large potential that relationships can be toxic, and it's not always your fault. I'll work toward saving a relationship, but there is a point, like with alcohol, when the rewards do not match the misery, and anything less than pulling the plug won't be enough. Pulling the plug on alcohol was much harder.
One thing I struggle with is wondering if I am a hedonist or not. I want my life to be peaceful and content, and it is one thing that I've worked on and developed in sobriety. I'm not talking about hedonistic drunken debauchery, obviously. I'm talking about peace and calm. This means letting go of a lot of things that cause stress. And life has lots of this in it, and sometimes, as with alcohol, it's hard to let go. Do I let go of too much? I haven't decided yet, but my life does have a lot of peace and calm. There is something to be said for excitement of course, but I don't seek that out like I used to. Should I? Still haven't decided. I don't think I'm complacent, however. If I was, I'd be drunk, probably. I think it's probably best not to worry about this, so I'll drop it for now.