Originally Posted by PeacefulWater12

As part of our unhealthiness, we keep lowering the standards of what we accept. I was trained in childhood to make excuses for horrible behaviours, also a lot of them seemed normal to me!

As I was care giving to late AH as he was so ill, for me it was a suddenly waking up (like out of a coma like walking state) and thinking "Oh my goodness, I am performing the most ickiest of care giving to a man who isn't even nice or kind to me.

About ten weeks before he passed he had been catheterised due to kidney failure. I had the job of emptying, changing, maintaining it. His medical team just assumed I would do it as I was his care giver, which I think is their usual attitude to care givers.

I expressed my feelings to them on this but ultimately there seemed no choice. The only other way was for late H to go into a nursing home which in the middle of Covid was just not possible.

That was the step too far for me, my brain awoke from the zonked out state it was in. Luckily he died before double incontinence became an issue. I like to think I would have 100% refused to deal with that but ------------ who knows! I hope that would have been my rock bottom in the basement!

As a former nurse, dealing with such things for patients would have been no problem to me at all. The issue was that it was for HIM!