16 months
I hit 16 months sobriety. What exactly does this mean? Nothing and everything to those of us who have struggled with alcohol.
Getting sober and recovering was BRUTAL. I learned, while getting sober, that I had developed one of the most insane anxiety disorders known to man. This anxiety basically took over all my thoughts and emotions and activities for the better part of a year. Huge anxious episodes. Attacks. Lots of cycling. Lots of lots of cycling through thoughts. Days long panic attacks. One "episode" lasted an entire week. That was getting a bit much to be honest. Feeling like I was going to burst or go mad or both for one week?! Nobody should go through that. I truly thank all of you for helping me through those months of looping and rumination and dare I say unstable times. What a mess. So glad that is over and done with.....
Its only now, 16 months into my journey, that I am leveling into a different kind of normal. I am getting better. I am seeing the benefits of being sober. I think I am now in recovery. I am feeling 1000% more stable even if I have "moments" or "episodes" at times. A little less anxious and a little more serene. Serene? Lol. That is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. Anyways, It may take me another 16 months to actually see myself through all the rewiring that seems to be taking place. Recovery. I am in recovery.
As I face some challenges right now I am reminded of how grateful I am for this community. Grateful for my life. Grateful that I get to learn. Overcome. Conquer my challenges. I am a challenge to myself at times, and I get to reign myself in and get back to the basics. The basics being.....Wake, SR, spiritual practice, run, breakfast, work, dinner, hot tea, bath and sleep. Rinse and repeat.
None of this has been easy. Its a process. One that does not end when the alcohol has been removed. It has not all been hard though. Life is unpredictable.
Keep on moving forward. The tough days can be real tough but we make it through. The good days are amazing and we make it through. We just "keep on keeping on" bettering ourselves and giving it 100%. Never be defeated. I wont be defeated. There is no way I can even look back. I've got goals to accomplish. I'm not sure what those are yet but I know alcohol will only destroy them.....So, Onwards and Upwards!