16 months
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
16 months
I hit 16 months sobriety. What exactly does this mean? Nothing and everything to those of us who have struggled with alcohol.
Getting sober and recovering was BRUTAL. I learned, while getting sober, that I had developed one of the most insane anxiety disorders known to man. This anxiety basically took over all my thoughts and emotions and activities for the better part of a year. Huge anxious episodes. Attacks. Lots of cycling. Lots of lots of cycling through thoughts. Days long panic attacks. One "episode" lasted an entire week. That was getting a bit much to be honest. Feeling like I was going to burst or go mad or both for one week?! Nobody should go through that. I truly thank all of you for helping me through those months of looping and rumination and dare I say unstable times. What a mess. So glad that is over and done with.....
Its only now, 16 months into my journey, that I am leveling into a different kind of normal. I am getting better. I am seeing the benefits of being sober. I think I am now in recovery. I am feeling 1000% more stable even if I have "moments" or "episodes" at times. A little less anxious and a little more serene. Serene? Lol. That is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. Anyways, It may take me another 16 months to actually see myself through all the rewiring that seems to be taking place. Recovery. I am in recovery.
As I face some challenges right now I am reminded of how grateful I am for this community. Grateful for my life. Grateful that I get to learn. Overcome. Conquer my challenges. I am a challenge to myself at times, and I get to reign myself in and get back to the basics. The basics being.....Wake, SR, spiritual practice, run, breakfast, work, dinner, hot tea, bath and sleep. Rinse and repeat.
None of this has been easy. Its a process. One that does not end when the alcohol has been removed. It has not all been hard though. Life is unpredictable.
Keep on moving forward. The tough days can be real tough but we make it through. The good days are amazing and we make it through. We just "keep on keeping on" bettering ourselves and giving it 100%. Never be defeated. I wont be defeated. There is no way I can even look back. I've got goals to accomplish. I'm not sure what those are yet but I know alcohol will only destroy them.....So, Onwards and Upwards!
Getting sober and recovering was BRUTAL. I learned, while getting sober, that I had developed one of the most insane anxiety disorders known to man. This anxiety basically took over all my thoughts and emotions and activities for the better part of a year. Huge anxious episodes. Attacks. Lots of cycling. Lots of lots of cycling through thoughts. Days long panic attacks. One "episode" lasted an entire week. That was getting a bit much to be honest. Feeling like I was going to burst or go mad or both for one week?! Nobody should go through that. I truly thank all of you for helping me through those months of looping and rumination and dare I say unstable times. What a mess. So glad that is over and done with.....
Its only now, 16 months into my journey, that I am leveling into a different kind of normal. I am getting better. I am seeing the benefits of being sober. I think I am now in recovery. I am feeling 1000% more stable even if I have "moments" or "episodes" at times. A little less anxious and a little more serene. Serene? Lol. That is not a word I would ever use to describe myself. Anyways, It may take me another 16 months to actually see myself through all the rewiring that seems to be taking place. Recovery. I am in recovery.
As I face some challenges right now I am reminded of how grateful I am for this community. Grateful for my life. Grateful that I get to learn. Overcome. Conquer my challenges. I am a challenge to myself at times, and I get to reign myself in and get back to the basics. The basics being.....Wake, SR, spiritual practice, run, breakfast, work, dinner, hot tea, bath and sleep. Rinse and repeat.
None of this has been easy. Its a process. One that does not end when the alcohol has been removed. It has not all been hard though. Life is unpredictable.
Keep on moving forward. The tough days can be real tough but we make it through. The good days are amazing and we make it through. We just "keep on keeping on" bettering ourselves and giving it 100%. Never be defeated. I wont be defeated. There is no way I can even look back. I've got goals to accomplish. I'm not sure what those are yet but I know alcohol will only destroy them.....So, Onwards and Upwards!
Congrats on sixteen months sober! 
I'm sorry you struggled so much at first but glad you stuck with it. 
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
This is so awesome to hear and you really did a great job persevering through the obstacles thrown at you. At only 9 months I am starting to see that this is, indeed, a long process. There was a period of time when I sort of flatlined for a few months, progess stalled, and I found doubts creeping in and wondered if it really matter anyway whether I drank or not. But I trudged onward and things have really gotten better lately. It took 8 months, for example, for a lingering pain in my liver to finally go away. Healing is slow but so worth the wait and commitment.
Congratulations!
Congratulations!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,163
Mizz, I have attended an uncountable number of speaker meetings in AA and heard some remarkable stories, but I have never heard an account of a more challenging recovery than that. I am floored by the strength that must have required. Honestly, I don't know how you did it. Now that things are settled down, I hope you can bask in a future of continued growth, gratitude, and a much easier path. I am amazed, and I hope you will never go through that again.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Thank You, Everyone.
Dont get me wrong. I have had some good times. It not like I was walking through FIRE everyday. When I look back through the year I can see how overrun I was with anxiousness and thoughts that were uncontrollable. I could have taken a different route. The doctor is not completely off the table. I think I just needed to see what I was working with after I removed the alcohol. Could I get a handle on the anxiety? Was I able to implement tools? Was I able to take guidance and follow through on suggestions? Did I actually want to get better? Some of the answers are not black and white but I can say with certainty that I did and do want to heal. I am healing. I will heal. I will not take medications for anxiety so ......Maybe a lot of this would have been easier had I been on medications? I think there is a time and a place and for me now is not the time or place.
I do know that I use tools now and I don't run away. I recognize when I am going off the rails and I wait patiently to surface. Patiently? Ya, that word does not apply. I wait. I come here everyday because checking in and posting is a part of my recovery from alcoholism..... It has been working and I am not trying to fix something that is not broken.
The other day, I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I am worried about. A tool to use in the future. It seems small but that small effort really works.
I work daily to be positive and to show up for myself and others. We have NOW to do the right thing by ourselves and by others. I also found a spiritual path that fits nicely into the way I think and want to live. I believe that chanting has changed my life. I can see the benefits and have proof of its truth in my life. My neighbors probably think Ive gone mad as I tend to play Gongyo and Daimoku loud in the mornings to drown out the swirling of thoughts........ha! Its a tool too.
Im not trying to be preachy or self absorbed here.....Recovery is not easy. It takes a village sometimes.
Thank you for the continued support and for allowing me to be a part of this awesome community!
Dont get me wrong. I have had some good times. It not like I was walking through FIRE everyday. When I look back through the year I can see how overrun I was with anxiousness and thoughts that were uncontrollable. I could have taken a different route. The doctor is not completely off the table. I think I just needed to see what I was working with after I removed the alcohol. Could I get a handle on the anxiety? Was I able to implement tools? Was I able to take guidance and follow through on suggestions? Did I actually want to get better? Some of the answers are not black and white but I can say with certainty that I did and do want to heal. I am healing. I will heal. I will not take medications for anxiety so ......Maybe a lot of this would have been easier had I been on medications? I think there is a time and a place and for me now is not the time or place.
I do know that I use tools now and I don't run away. I recognize when I am going off the rails and I wait patiently to surface. Patiently? Ya, that word does not apply. I wait. I come here everyday because checking in and posting is a part of my recovery from alcoholism..... It has been working and I am not trying to fix something that is not broken.
The other day, I sat down and wrote a list of all the things I am worried about. A tool to use in the future. It seems small but that small effort really works.
I work daily to be positive and to show up for myself and others. We have NOW to do the right thing by ourselves and by others. I also found a spiritual path that fits nicely into the way I think and want to live. I believe that chanting has changed my life. I can see the benefits and have proof of its truth in my life. My neighbors probably think Ive gone mad as I tend to play Gongyo and Daimoku loud in the mornings to drown out the swirling of thoughts........ha! Its a tool too.
Im not trying to be preachy or self absorbed here.....Recovery is not easy. It takes a village sometimes.
Thank you for the continued support and for allowing me to be a part of this awesome community!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Love the post Mizz. I know exactly what you mean in your post - I found myself realizing, and I still do every day, that the real work of your life comes after you get sober. That's when you can finally deal with the obstacles, complexes and habits that you formed by drinking for so many years. Some of the changes and the work were, perhaps, the reason that I drank and some came as a result of drinking. Either way, there is a peace and grace we can finally find in sobriety that is not available to the problem drinker. Thank you for the reminder to be grateful for this chance at living a life I can be proud of.
You are an inspiration on this site. Proud to be walking this sober road with you.
You are an inspiration on this site. Proud to be walking this sober road with you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Remarkable job, Mizz. You clearly have sought and experienced several dimensions of true “recovery”, a term which gets used a lot but is rarely so clearly demonstrated. You persevered under significant anxiety and stress, searched for tools and a program that would help restore your balance, and once you found a path, you have rigorously pursued it. With a lot of creativity, I might add. As a result, it would seem to me you have effectively rewired your brain and reshaped your thinking. You are incessantly positive and resilient, your whole outlook has changed! Amazing work and dedication, my friend.
Thank you for your support, and all you do here.
Thank you for your support, and all you do here.
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