Hi Sue, welcome to the forum
I know for me at the start I had to direct all my efforts into looking into methods to distract me from wanting to go back to the madness. Looking back I probably wasted some time on looking into reasons why I drank, it was much too early for that. My time would have much better spent on reading the forums and finding people who had sustainable solutions on simply how to stop and stay stopped. There is a wealth of info here on methods and practices that will help you through the early days. Use them. When you get a foothold on sobriety, you can start looking for the reasons why youve ended up here. Dont drink for now... the rest will reveal itself as you progress. Congrats on taking the first step, thats not easy, you've made a wise decision.