I'm the same way. I've gained and lost 130+ pounds 3 times in my life. Recently, I lost about 80 pounds. I've put 15 back on over the holidays.
So I start to get moody because I know what I'm doing is not good for me, but the emotional payoff is instant gratification when I do it. The guilt is the bear.
Like all things in my life. The only way to the other side is through. I have to stick to a very strict meal plan and exercise every day. On top of that I have really bad arthritis in my knees, hip and back. So...suffering is a part of the recipe any way I look at it. I guess that's better than being dead.
Sometimes I feel sorry for myself that things are harder for me than others. If I put it all in perspective, I still have it better than most.
Tonight, I ate half a large pizza. I knew it was wrong. I knew it would make me happy for a short time, but in the end, I'm mad at myself for not doing the right thing.
I've been addicted to so many things in my life. Food, booze, cigarettes, benzos, painkillers, heroin, weed, and oh yeah- i used to puke my guts out all the time when I was younger when I wrestled in school to make weight. I was a bulimic athlete. I don't recommend that at all.
What works for me? Motivational music and videos. Getting angry at myself enough for me to change works best. It seems like that's the only time I ever do anything positive. When the pain of doing what I'm doing outweighs the payoff. Pain is a great motivator.
I'll tell all this to my therapist tomorrow and go back to the day to day grind. This is what it takes for me to survive. Somedays are easier than others.
I hope something I said helped you, David. Have a good week man.