Hey guys
so good to see you Viper and congrats on your sober time that is awesome!
hey erratic, I hope you are ok?
ok so where am I?
I’ve been listening to DR Gabor Mate on you tube and it’s really helping me. He talks about the connection between pain and addiction. I’ve been sitting here today reflecting on this. When I was in my teens I didn’t drink. Well actually I did drink now and then but never alcoholicly , maybe just one or 2 drinks when I went out. It was only after I had a painful experience at the age of 18 that I started drinking more and I believe it was because I was using alcohol to self medicate. And of course drinking the way I was starts playing havoc with your life so there were more painful experiences that I buried deep down on top of my first one.
now my mum has passed and I am so full of pain. The steps of AA helped me a lot in terms of seeing where I had been wrong and I got a chance to make some amends which was brilliant but I am realising now it never treated the underlying cause. Which is emotional pain.
so I believe that some therapy with a trained counsellor is in order. I have to face my pain and deal with it. Only then will (I feel) be able to completely break the chains of addiction. Because when I drink I drink because I want oblivion. I don’t want to be in my own head.
I thought alcohol for me was a way to socialise and have fun but that could not be further from the truth. It was a way to escape myself.
i am feeling quite positive and hopeful today. At this time I have no desire to drink. I am done with escaping. I need to really start healing properly.
So that’s me. Start healing and start living
lots of love