I can’t thank you all *enough* for your in-depth replies. There was so much to take in.
I feel silly for how I describe my drinking. I guess there’s nothing that unusual or remarkable about it. I don’t know any alcoholics (except ones that I’ve seen in movies). My husband drinks quite a bit. But he’s somewhat in control. (That’s another story).
Advbike- I know you can relate to how difficult it is to be sitting here recuperating. Exercising is the one reason that I probably don’t drink more than I already do. My cousin was giving me kudos on strava for doing the simplest activity (like walking my dogs). It was such great support. I miss him terribly. But I will stay on course.
driguy- short, sweet and to the point. Thank you!!
dog- I think I’m that clearly in denial about my being an alcoholic. That’s safe to say. Sorry.
MrPL- thank you for your lovely words of support. I appreciate what you wrote.
Thanks Dropsie for your reply
Pondlady- I need to make my dogs and my health a priority. Lately I’ve been able to work out again with free weights. And I’m able to do my abs. Small gains!!
Free- thank you so much for what you wrote. Thank you for making me feel welcome. I’m so excited to feel sober again. The book sounds great. I will try to order it off of Amazon. I know that alcohol won’t turn back time. I have to face these challenges sober. I was such a mess the other night. I woke up with my iPad on my stomach and a glass tipped over on the
coffee table. It was full of wine still. Thank gosh the dogs didn’t lap it up. I was also dog sitting for a friend who was on vacation. What if her dog had drank it?
surrendered- maybe I misspoke. I’m probably not elegant and refined. But I know I’m not a sloppy, disorganized and unkempt mess. And that’s who I am when I drink. I become a mess. It’s as if my real self is hiding somewhere else. I teeter around the house doing weird stuff like cooking. Thank gosh I don’t have a home nest camera. I’m sure that I look amazing drunk and stumbling around…
thank you for your reply. I appreciate it. I wish that I had a friend (even a phone friend) that I could talk to. I really think that would help a lot. We have AA here. I went to OA here too. Maybe I’ll meet someone locally who is going thru this too.
triggered- you’re absolutely right. I’m using alcohol as a coping mechanism. In my mind, I’ve been equating it with legitimate coping mechanisms like exercise. Alcohol is not exercise. Or I’ll see a friend on Facebook drinking whisky (ewww) and I’ll think, well at least I don’t drink the hard stuff. But I’m using alcohol as an emotional aid. And that’s not healthy. I’m scared. But I’m also very tired. I’m tired of losing time. Drinking is soooo time consuming. I lose hours, even half a day the next day. Thank you for your help and insightfulness.