Tomil

This is my first post writing about my experiences so please forgive my ramblings, I'm trying to work it all out...

I've watched both my sister and best friend's lives be turned upside down by alcohol addiction. I've compared it to watching a car crash in very slow motion over years and in both cases lots of collateral damage to their children (which they haven't acknowledged).

Talking about them at the same time risks confusing their issues (my sister also has a life long eating problem, anorexia which is probably a main cause, along with alcohol abuse, of heart failures and subsequent defib implant) but a lot of their behaviour follows the same themes: Self pity, blaming those closest to them for their problems, truly unwarranted hateful speech (my sister telling our elderly mother she will spit on her grave when she's dead because she now believes our mother is the root of all of her problems), self absorption, inability to get on with normal daily life, DUIs and driving bans, forgetfulness and then in periods of 'normality' carrying on as if nothing has happened.

And I'm not allowed to mention to them that I may have been affected by losing my best friend or my sister to alcohloism. I'm so sick of listening to them spitting blood at the world and to those people closest to them and when I intervene to try and bring some balance to their view I am told that I don't understand. I am so sick of being told that I don't understand. I am also told that I should never give up on an alcoholic but honestly they have become so hateful towards the world, do not listen to a word I say, instantly forget the hours of conversations (well, me listening to their delusions) that I just don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to them any more, I am incredibly sad and heartbroken. I also feel completely manipulated by them to keep me onboard.

They clearly want my friendship and support but they also level critisisms at me for not caring about them like I'm just moralising and judging them but I am not, I just want them to stop drinking because I truly believe that is the main cause of all of their 'other' problems.

What can I do??? I'm so tired of their problems dominating my life and in my years of listening I feel that my presence has made no difference whatsoever. It all feels like a complete waste of time, energy and worry. It often keeps me up at night and I find the whole damn thing incredibly stressful.

Any comments or advice welcome. Thanks for listening.