I think my body did need a rest.
I have not drank.
I can promise you all that.
I will be 10 years sober in Feb 2022.
I'm just struggling with me.
I guess the pandemic means I spend so much time alone.
I work from home 5 days a week alone.
I am grateful to have a job though.
I have had so many redundancies.
I get stuck in a rut with my thoughts.
I also have a really, really good memory.
It's a curse at times.
I think back to episodes and events with such crystal clear clarity.
I find it exhausting mentally.
Like an incessant chatter in my head that never stops unless I am asleep.
I have so many regrets. I'm not strong. I worry. I isolate because I don't want the normal drinker people i once knew to say look that's her, you know the one who did that.
I try distraction - films, activities but a lot of it feels forced because it's not what I want to do, its what I need to do to refocus my mind.
I often feel like an outsider.
Like I am always holding back something because I don't want people who did not witness the worse bits to know.
Thanks for all being here for me.
I know going forward, as long as I don't drink, I will never create more regrets as a result of drink.