Originally Posted by
Ez0221 
I see. Maybe I thought she was because she always relied on others, instead of doing things herself. But what you're saying makes sense.
It's funny you mention using people too, because there was a time over the summer I mentioned to her that I felt like she was using me, which made her get upset lol.
Addicts do use people.It is how they survive and protect their addiction. They are dependent on others as well as the drugs and alcohol. We friends and family are not dependent on alcohol directly but indirectly; this is why we are co-dependent. The addiction of our qualifier and the accompanying drama allows us to focus on them and their problems and helps us avoid developing a relationship with ourselves.
EZ, if you read back through your own posts here, you will see that in each of your posts your focus is on her and her problems and what you should do in regards to her. This is typical co-dependent behavior. A healthy person in such a situation focuses on their own life, problems and solutions.
I'm not pointing out your unhealthy behavior to criticize you as much as to show that you absolutely belong with us here. We are mostly in various stages of dealing with this co-dpendency issue in ourselves. Trying to change this focus from the unhealthy relationship with the addict to a healthy one with ourselves is incredibly difficult.
Originally Posted by
Ez0221 I just don't understand why I still want to be nice to her, and say stuff like I'm proud of her. I'm not going to because it would be a bad decision, but man I feel like I'm too nice sometimes.
I'm started to think I was easy to manipulate too. A month before she went off to treatment, I let her convince me to spend money on a weekend away for us because she said "it would be the last time we could have a nice intimate weekend together for a long time because she was going to treatment."
Looking back - I feel used, and even though I'm codependent, I let her manipulate me into feeling sorry for her.
I just wish I didn't get stupid thoughts like wanting to congratulate her (if she hits 2 months in the next couple of days). She clearly doesn't deserve that, and I need to focus more on me and what I deserve.
At the point you are, barely two weeks in, what you wrote above is very typical of many of us at this stage. Early in recovery, addicts can't stop thinking about the alcohol and we codependents can't stop thinking about our qualifier.
Irk, I'm afraid I sound like a broken record when I keep saying that you are doing the right thing. Just keep getting through the days. It takes time and time takes time.