I thought I'd be more pissed off at the thought of her hooking up in recovery, but because I feared it going into the situation, and reading how common it is makes me less mad if that makes sense? I hate that I would hear her out if she called or texted because I know deep down inside she doesn't deserve it.
I wish I was filled with more anger than hurt. I never realized how codependent our relationship was for the both of us. It was something we never addressed, and I was always under the impression that I had it more together mentally until late in 2020 (5 years in). Ignoring my mental health, and concentrating on her addiction and mental health took a huge toll on me and it wasn't until I was so emotional with her leaving to recovery and being there that I realized that.
I'm trying as best as I can to get through each day as it comes.