another note. I commented on it at a meeting once over the summer, to a few people who had come to ask how I was doing. I said this is apparently my let loose place because I keep crying when I am here. Said I felt people would be getting sick of it soon and that I just couldn't seem to snap out of it. They all clearly assured me it doesn't work that way and that they had cried many times and felt sad for long periods of time etc. And when someone comes in and cries, I know I don't feel like they are weak at all. Just sad and releasing emotions, whatever it is at that time. It's a place we've all been and no matter how many times, always will understand. That's my take on it anyway.
I still find myself trying to hold it in at times which is fine, but I remember now after thinking about it to respond here that it's ok.