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I did it

Old 01-04-2006, 04:47 AM
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Thumbs up I did it

After much gut wrenching soul searching denial, I finally did it. I went to an Al Anon meeting last night. I have been passing the church for 6 months. I have printed the meeting schedule out 4 times and lost it 3. I have read posts and threads on this site for 5 months. Finally I drove over there and as I saw all the people in the parking lot I got butterflies. But I called up my friend who has encouraged me over the last year and a half to go to Al Anon, and he told me to get out of my car and just go.

I did. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I was scared to let go of the drama. I wanted to keep what was familiar. But I went. I started crying when the first woman spoke. DAMN I AM SO WEAK....( that is what I felt )Then they took us out of the room for a "first timers" meeting. I lost it when they asked what brought us here. I admitted that three of the people I loved the most in this life were alcholics or substance abusers. My voice cracked and tears rolled down my face as I admitted that I had been so sick the last week. But I felt better. They understood.

It helps to know that someone else is going through the same hell as you. Or they have been there and survived.

If you are still sitting in the parking lot of a meeting. Just open the door and go inside. TAKE CARE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. YOU !!
Fran
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Old 01-04-2006, 05:09 AM
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Way to go Fran!!!!!! Great words of inspiration to others, and don't fret over they tears I have cried a river over the years. Keep coming back here, we are here for you too . With love,
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Old 01-04-2006, 05:17 AM
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I went to my first meeting 4 times. Didnt actually got in til the 4th time....just drove on by the first 3.

I was afraid. Im not anymore. Recovery is for the strong, not the weak.

Thats why we are inside the rooms..,,,cus its takes stregnth to walk in.

Congrats to you and welcome home !
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Old 01-04-2006, 08:33 AM
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Last night we had 4 Newcomers at our meeting....
I could see how frightened they were...
I could see the pain in their faces....
At the closing of our meeting they rejoined us
When they left they were smiling and I do believe I saw
a glimmer of hope in their eyes....
Each time I see a newbie I go back to my first time at Al-Anon....
and that is why I keep coming back....
Fran I am glad you are one of the strong ones........
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Old 01-04-2006, 09:48 AM
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I've been sober for the past year & three months...I was an odd duck when I self-referred myself to a recovery program! I had desired to stop drinking & using for about 6 months prior to my soberity, yet was so ignorant that I didn't know there was such a thing as AA or Recovery Programs to get the education I needed in order to stop! I was excited, thrilled, & overly joyed about my first meeting with the counselor in the program and expressed so while on the phone scheduling the appointment by stating that I couldn't wait to meet with him & he laughed at me - I questioned if there was something wrong about my excitement & his reply was "lady, I've been doing this for the past 20 years and not once has there ever been anyone "excited" to meet with me"!! Sometimes I still feel like that odd duck in AA because I've never experience such fears or been ashamed to claim that I'm an Alcoholic/Addict-On occassion, when I so openly share about my membership to AA, I become uncomfortable from the responses I get from people but then I remember that they, too, may be just as ignorant as I once was!! This point of this is that when I hear people like yourself share such gut wrenching feelings and the actions they've taken to grow, the hair stands up on the back of my neck and chill bumps cover my body...I wanna stand up and SHOUT to the world, "YES, YES, YES...THERE'S HOPE"!! How AWESOME you are and what a BLESSING you've given to me & so many other's out there from what you've just shared...Thank You so much & Be PROUD of YOURSELF...You're worth every ounce of more so don't settle for less!! Way to go...We always need a few more of YOU in recovery!



Originally Posted by fran832
After much gut wrenching soul searching denial, I finally did it. I went to an Al Anon meeting last night. I have been passing the church for 6 months. I have printed the meeting schedule out 4 times and lost it 3. I have read posts and threads on this site for 5 months. Finally I drove over there and as I saw all the people in the parking lot I got butterflies. But I called up my friend who has encouraged me over the last year and a half to go to Al Anon, and he told me to get out of my car and just go.

I did. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I was scared to let go of the drama. I wanted to keep what was familiar. But I went. I started crying when the first woman spoke. DAMN I AM SO WEAK....( that is what I felt )Then they took us out of the room for a "first timers" meeting. I lost it when they asked what brought us here. I admitted that three of the people I loved the most in this life were alcholics or substance abusers. My voice cracked and tears rolled down my face as I admitted that I had been so sick the last week. But I felt better. They understood.

It helps to know that someone else is going through the same hell as you. Or they have been there and survived.

If you are still sitting in the parking lot of a meeting. Just open the door and go inside. TAKE CARE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. YOU !!
Fran
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Old 01-04-2006, 12:14 PM
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Oh Fran..Good for you for taking that first step..

I've been in Alanon for 1.5 years and I still cry at meetings..I did on Monday night..

Keep coming back..it works if you work it..
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Old 01-07-2006, 07:32 AM
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Thanks ya'll. This week has been tough. I went again on Thursday and it felt so comfortable. I would never have taken that first step without this website and all of you and your posts. God bless all of you!!!
Fran
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Old 01-07-2006, 08:19 AM
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yea fran! sounds like you latched on to a good first experiece! it DOES help to know that we are not alone - i think that's an important realization for all of us because isolation plays a big part in our turmoil. keep going back!
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Old 01-07-2006, 08:30 AM
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i've cried so many times at meetings i almost wonder if that kleenex box is there just for me (and if not well there's toilet paper down the hall!)

i'm glad you found one you like :-) and great job on taking that big step and walking in there like you did
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Old 01-07-2006, 09:55 AM
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Count me in as a crier.

Recently, I was told that if Al Anon had an award for best cryer, I would be the winner.

Know what? Hearing that made me cry ! Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
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Old 01-07-2006, 01:06 PM
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I'm glad you decided to get out of the car, Fran. A tiny bit of willingness is sometimes all it takes to effect great changes...

Welcome to the place I have called "home" for lots of twenty-four hours!
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Old 01-07-2006, 02:34 PM
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Originally Posted by nocellphone
A tiny bit of willingness is sometimes all it takes to effect great changes...
i like that..
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Old 01-07-2006, 02:39 PM
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another note. I commented on it at a meeting once over the summer, to a few people who had come to ask how I was doing. I said this is apparently my let loose place because I keep crying when I am here. Said I felt people would be getting sick of it soon and that I just couldn't seem to snap out of it. They all clearly assured me it doesn't work that way and that they had cried many times and felt sad for long periods of time etc. And when someone comes in and cries, I know I don't feel like they are weak at all. Just sad and releasing emotions, whatever it is at that time. It's a place we've all been and no matter how many times, always will understand. That's my take on it anyway.

I still find myself trying to hold it in at times which is fine, but I remember now after thinking about it to respond here that it's ok.
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