The in between place can be a difficult place to be. I've been there, and sometimes I find myself there, still.
Having grown up in a severely dysfunctional family, I grew up with a lot of patterns like codependency, alcoholic parent, anxious attachment style, DV, ADHD / FAS -- my brain chemistry is pretty whacked. So as a child, and even sometimes now, I wondered what it was the normal children were doing, what are the normal families doing?
I'd say about 2 years ago I really started digging deeply into the whys, and after the final breakup with XABF 5 months ago, really started to understand how all these cues affected me. One of the biggest things that affects me as an empathetic person are the energies and emotions I pick up from other people, and it can even be as non - specific as things I might read in the news or see on a TV show. I find I have to be very intentional with whom I spend time, if I choose to check social media, even how I'm interacting with and mediating between my children. My best days do begin with some of the healthy habits you're so good about, like healthy foods, meditating, exercising; but they remain best days because of the enriching things I engage in, like listening to great music and spending hours working on a piece I'm getting ready to sell.
I *know* how hard it is to find things about which you are passionate to spend your time and creative energy. It might be a way to find a healthy emotional balance and meaningful ways to spend time during the day.
One of my favorite times of the day is the time between times (the moment at sunrise and sunset when it's neither dark nor light). It's magic comes from being neither and both. How would it feel to you to be able to change the in between place in which you are now to the time between times? How would it feel to you to be able to live in that moment all the time?