Kaya, I am so sorry for what you are going through right now, I can feel your pain. I know it is cliche to say time heals but I think unfortunately this is something that the only way out is through. It sounds like you are doing everything right and making healthy choices. I feel like you are probably just around the corner from a whole new life. Hang in there, you've got this, and please don't be too hard on yourself, you have been dealt a really tough hand. Big hugs to you!