thatsosim

Hi all! I just stumbled across this forum while searching for answers, and while I am skeptical that my partner of two years is a full-blown alcoholic, his drinking is causing me great distress and putting our relationship in jeopardy. I am hopeful that someone on here understands my view of things and has some insight as to what I should do.. I am desperate.

To preface, I am 24 weeks pregnant with an unplanned baby boy. This pregnancy has been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and is made so much worse by my boyfriends drinking problem. I feel as though all the moments I should have found joyful were stolen from me by him and his liquor. I worry that he will be an unfit father to our son, and partner to me.

Let me quickly backtrack. The beginning of our relationship was probably the worst. I was going through a mental health crisis and had nowhere else to go, and so I ended up at his place. The trouble began almost immediately after that.

He cheated on me several times within the first few months of us being together, but continued to lie and contact those girls until 8 months in. When I finally found out and confronted him, he excused his indiscretions by saying that alcohol caused him to be reckless, and if an opportunity presented itself to him while he was drunk then it wasn’t his fault if he took it.

He uses alcohol as an excuse for other things, too; like his aggression, impulsivity, “verbal abuse”, etc. He grew up hard, and his “support system” of friends is terrible, unfortunately. They are all trash demons who find his treatment of me hilarious and sometimes join in themselves by being vulgar towards me, calling me names, putting my boyfriend in unsavory positions simply to upset me, and sometimes even physically hurting me. My boyfriend allows this. “I’ve known them my whole life”, he says, as if this excuses their disgusting behavior. The only reason they hang out with him is to get absolutely wasted and make mistakes. They don’t come around when there’s no alcohol involved.

Although my partner has never physically attacked me, he has broken, thrown, and punched things in my presence. Once I had locked myself in the bathroom to escape him and he punched a hole through the bathroom door. Another we were at a hotel and he was trying to run home after shoving me away from him, and he punched a glass fire extinguisher case right next to my head. It shattered. He knows that I am extra sensitive to these behaviors due to my traumatic past, but doesn’t seem to see a problem with them. He has also been aggressive with our 11 m/o dog.

Aside from the violence are his verbal assaults; gaslighting, blaming, taunting, saying things that he knows cause me distress, and then never apologizing for them. He acts out like this in public too, and no one ever says anything.

ALL of these things are fueled by alcohol. Although he’s slowed down a bit (has a couple beers after work on weekdays and goes out on the weekends), I find myself absolutely disgusted by his past actions. I have no trust in him anymore, especially since I have vocalized my stance on this issue and made it clear that I won’t tolerate this behavior anymore. He’s about to become a father and needs to DO BETTER.
He can never have just one, or none at all, and it always spirals out of control.

I know he has it in him to change, and truly I just want the best for him. But I absolutely dread the weekends when I know he will get drunk and mistreat me again, no matter the promises he’s made previously. (Another thing; I’m big on pinky promises and he always, always breaks them..) He makes me feel like it’s all my fault, saying Im controlling him and trying to sabotage his friendships and life in general, when all I want to do is help…

Please, if anyone has any insight on this predicament I’d love to hear it. Is this something we can fix?? I just want his son to have a father and for me to have a loving partner that I can trust.