Well at least she does have some options after rehab that don't involve coming back to your house.
You offered rehab (or leave) - he offered "
muse about how great it would be to listening to their music together on a beach sipping drinks he mixed".
Worst. Sponsor. Ever.
But seriously, It really isn't you. I know that sounds so counter-intuitive in a relationship. Normal relationship, there may be conflict, that's talked out over time, adjustments might be made, both parties try to come to some middle ground perhaps, caring, empathy, respect. Or they can't resolve it and the relationship ends. That's not this. Your wife has been in a relationship (and really still is) with alcohol. It is her number one priority, before you, before her children, before work or play or probably even herself. Her world view is not the same as a person that isn't addicted to a substance.
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
"As the addictive process claims more of the addict's self and lifeworld his addiction becomes his primary relationship to the detriment of all others. Strange as it sounds to speak of a bottle of alcohol, a drug, a gambling obsession or any other such compulsive behavior as a
love object, this is precisely what goes on in advanced addictive illness. This means that in addiction there is always infidelity to other love objects such as spouses and other family - for the very existence of addiction signifies an allegiance that is at best divided and at worst -and more commonly- betrayed. For there comes a stage in every serious addiction at which the paramount attachment of the addict is to the addiction itself. Those unfortunates who attempt to preserve a human relationship to individuals in the throes of progressive addiction almost always sense their own secondary "less than" status in relation to the addiction - and despite the addict's passionate and indignant denials of this reality, they are right:
the addict does indeed love his addiction more than he loves them.
Addiction protects and augments itself by means of a bodyguard of lies, distortions and evasions that taken together amount to a full scale assault upon consensual reality. Because addiction involves irrational and unhealthy thinking and behavior, its presence results in cognitive dissonance both within the addict himself and in the intersubjective realm of ongoing personal relationships."