You are definitely not a waste erratic
Getting sober is hard especially now in COVID time and especially if you have other issues affecting you as well.
You made 49 days - that is a massive effort
I was proud of you and I know everyone else here was too. Our pride and care and concern for you doesn't vanish when you drink...you are part of the family.
You have shown that you can get sober no you need to work out how you can stay that way.
It's like you're in a rocket ship...you've left the surface of Planet Addiction... now you have to work out how to escape the gravitational pull
Rocket boosters on erratic - you can do this.