Originally Posted by dandylion

Ldm......By what you have shared. it appears that he has been gone only about 4-5 months? I know that feels, to you, like an eternity----but, to the grieving heart, it really does take more time than that to begin to see blue skies, again. Especially. if you have invested yourself into something very deeply.
I would expect you to have many many feelings to still go through.
My experience with grieving this kind of loss---and my observation of others going through the same thing---there is a period of doing intensive, almost constant rumination about the relationship----and, asking question after question and filtering through all of the memories of everything that happened. Sometimes, to the point that one's brain is just spinning----and feeling just suspended i n confusion and feeling dysphoric----This does feel strange and painful.
This does niot last forever----eventually, the pictures inside of our head begin to "settle"---bit, by bir, to something that makes more "sense" to us---and, slowly--bit by bit. we begin to turn our thought more toward the future than living in just the past.
If you are feeling or relating to any of this---I suggest that you can still expect some more of this Natural Process. Grief thates the time that it takes...and, grief will take its Own time.

This is going to be a time of great change for you. How you feel now is not what you will feel in the future.
As we hit life's challenges and crises and live through them---we all change to some degree.

Now, I don't really expect you to believe anything that I am saying to you....and, you probably hate hearing this kind of stuff. I don't expect you to---as you are in too much fresh pain to absorb it, I expect.
But, make note of it, because you may remember it, later.