"How did you deal with your addict after the breakup?"
It took me about 7 times of leaving, which is average. After that, things got progressively worse and I ended up filing a restraining order.
"I left my addict about a month and a half ago but he was messaging me after our breakup for a while. Saying he loves me, that he's never been broken up with before, that he never wanted anything so bad in his life, and he didn't understand how we got here."
I ask this gently. No judgment, because I've been there. Do you think that, possibly, he did know exactly how you got there? And looking back, did you maybe give him many warnings that it would come to this?
"Then later he was sending long messages of hate and saying that I never loved him and he never loved me, that I didn't want to be with a person who drinks so much and was a 'drugy.' Keep in mind that I never called him an alcoholic or "drugy" (but he wasn't wrong though).
Toxic. Manipulative.
"And then he calls me crying saying all the things like "I love you" blah blah blah... then he started getting riled up saying "how do you think I feel not having any say in the love of my life's life anymore!" and started blaming me for things, got angry, then just hung up."
Toxic. Manipulative.
"I did want to get back with him at a point but then he didn't want to be together. After all that, I just lost all hope and respect for this person that was a shell of my best friend and soulmate. I'm just scared of what might happen in the future. When he comes back trying to talk to me... He's done this before with two ex girlfriends where he leaves, parties for a few months, then comes back. But I was the only one he actually committed to, got a place with, planned an actual future with. What's your experience with having an addict loved one come back in your life?"
My experience with letting an addict loved one come back into my life was that I got strangled, my son got kicked in the balls so hard he was flung across the room, and my identity was stolen, leaving me bankrupt. If I didn't have my father's help, my children and I would have wound up homeless.
"Did you get back with them?"
Yes
"Did you become friends"
He is not someone I would call a friend.
"Did you tell them to stay out of your life forever?"
I have to co-parent with him (to the extent that he has weekly supervised visits). I will communicate with him regarding the visits (which he often cancels) and nothing else. I only communicate via email or text because he has lied so many times in court regarding our conversations. This way I have proof. I do not say anything that could convey any emotion whatsoever. I communicate the way an attorney would.
Just answering the questions you asked of my personal experience. I encourage you to focus on yourself, not him. Sometimes that is difficult when we have an addict in our live whose problems are so glaringly obvious.
My healing came when I started focusing on myself.