My habit has/was not very predictable. But when I drank (especially alone) I had a very poor "off" switch if it was at home. Going out (because of the expense of a mixed drink, and driving afterward) it wasn't a problem stopping at a two drink maximum. At home (alone or with my partner), I began to drink more and more. I realized about six years ago that I was going to impact my health if I continued unbridled (a horse phrase meaning = without control). It scared me. I'm still struggling, without the partner now to blame it on ... and I realized I had a problem. So far I have no arrest record, no harm to anyone, no harm to myself, but lots and lots of shame. The shame is paralyzing and I am in counseling to deal with it and some profound grief issues that I have that seem to trigger my drinking issue. It has only been alcohol that I abuse but when I drink I have not been fully engaged in my life. Where I used to pursue education and learning (for the joy in that) I am no longer the same curious and connected soul. I want the old me back and am trying to reset her.
Thanks for listening. Best wishes and blessings for your journey to renew your soul.