Interesting discussion, thanks.
As I worked my program, I came to realise that traits I saw as endearing were really my co-dependency in play and other people would view these traits as red flags rather than endearing.
I think we are attracted to people we pity. That we can feel superior too. Ouch!
I feel that alkies and codies are master manipulators. We read each other and provide what the other side wants. Both sides hook each other in with manipulation. BOTH! It is a two way street.
Ouch again. Not pleasant to acknowledge this in ourselves.