Originally Posted by
NewHeart 
I'm going to tell you something that is funny. I used to believe my alcoholic ex-boyfriend that he just couldn't learn English and he just couldn't learn how to properly read or write in his own language because of an injury he experienced when he was younger. Me being codependent I didn't see anything wrong with this and I found it endearing actually and I ended up picking up a lot of the slack when it came to documentation. There were so many things that ended up having to help him out with not just because he didn't speak English but figuring out how to do most things with all on me regardless of the language.
NewHeart, I've been thinking about this part of what you said. I know I accepted my XABFs behaviors at first as endearing also, when he confused things or when I needed to prompt his memory. Until right before the breakup when I specifically said alcohol was the problem and deal breaker for me, it was so easy for him to make an excuse and for me to accept it as reasonable. He was always very genial and pleasant, again up to when I said specifically alcohol was the problem (then was when I got to see the mean streak).
I guess that they are expert manipulators, and good at identifying how to get what they want from us.