I know these feelings after slipping are very, very difficult to deal with. Unfortunately we have a lifetime illness and those slips are going to happen. I had one recently also and afterwards for the first couple days felt horrible but also felt a deep sense of how serious this disease is and how it has damaged my life.
Then I realized that the only thing to do was to ‘get back on the horse’, get back in the saddle, and resume the work of recovery.
For myself I know I have to go against that part of me that wants to give up and tells me things like “all that hard work down the drain” after I’ve had a slip. This defeatist attitude leads nowhere. My therapist tells me that slips will happen but that part of the work of recovery is learning how to think and feel afterwards and how to muster the strength to take up the recovery work again.