someday

As someone else told me... practice makes perfect.
It is so hard.
It is a DISEASE we all have.
Others do not understand that.
But I have been trying since 2008 and now I am coming back to these forums everyday to give me inspirataion. I blew it after almost 2 months because I went to a store I frequented that knew me. They automatically placed vodka on the counter. I did not resist it. I took it, then fell into black out mode. We all make mistakes. Over and over and over and I wish our families understood that this is a DISEASE like cancer. People wouldn't treat cancer patients they way they look at acholocis. I have blown it so many times I stopped coming here because I was embarrassed at how much I screwed up.

I am back now and ready to make a commitment. After 3 months of being sober I blew it because someone put it on the counter and I took it. They were used to me getting vodka regularly so they knew when I walked in to buy smokes... and I just took it. Then I couldn't stop. I blew it hard on the 10th and now that is my new sober date. I have 10s of sober dates that I screwed up.

I was angry because my sponsor and her husband humiliated me in a zoom meeting.
So I can't go back to those but I can come here and it keeps my sanitity.