Dear Macy
Again, I am SO proud of you.
What you describe in this thread is two things:
1. Your ex sometimes hoovers you into "arguments", although they are not so in a classical sense. It is just a plain old drunken brawl. The solution: YOU DON'T HAVE TO GO TO EVERY FIGHT YOU'RE INVITED TO.
2. You are trying to convince him of the error of his ways. IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.
That being said, let me share a little personal experience.
Even now, after many years of sobriety and not living with my ex, I have an occasional thought about the "good old days."
It had it's own level of comfort, because I was using alcohol to numb the stresses of life. It was one way I had of avoiding "living life on life's terms."
Today I live alone and am starting up two businesses. In addition, I have been appointed the Organist at our parish. This is all WONDERFUL, but has it's own set of stresses. I can no longer fall back on "spirits" or the relationship I was in to help cope.
I'm just giving you a little heads-up here. As you recover ( and you will), you will be tempted to look back occasionally and romanticize the past.