Yep—moderation is truly impossible for folk like us—as I posted earlier, Porter’s (and others’) theory is that we cannot moderate because at this stage of our drinking “careers” we have conditioned our subconscious (that voice you are hearing) to believe 1) alcohol is the solution to pain / stress and how we have “fun” 2) Once we take that first drink, more will surely follow, so subconscious cues body to release stimulant hormones, which can only be offset by more and more drinks.
It’s a nasty Catch 22–drink is what that voice says will save us, but really it is what destroys us. I can have all the rational willpower in the world in my moderation attempts, but 9/10, they will fail and I will keep justifying to myself why I deserve / want / need / can control those next few drinks. Ha. . .