I'mNot - I don't have an answer to why we pour that stuff down our throats, knowing where it will lead. I guess in the back of my mind I was seeking the fun times I once had in the early drinking days. So hard to admit they were gone & never coming back. I played with it until I was completely dependent. One drink always led to 10 - then more the next day to get rid of the hangover - & a horrible binge would follow.
I wish I hadn't ruined my credibility, my finances, my health, before finally getting free for good. I was a slow learner who kept insisting willpower could be used to just have a few sometimes. DUI's - & all sorts of chaos & misery - finally proved to me that I could never be a social drinker. I was so tired of cleaning up my messes & trying to pretend I was living a normal life. It feels wonderful to be free of it. You can do it too.