I messed up until I was doing more for my recovery than I was doing for my drinking.
If that sounds like a condescending wise guy answer it’s not.
I dunno about you or anyone else reading but I would walk blocks in a severe thunderstorm to get my booze; if I was not putting in the same level of effort and commitment to stay sober I was always gonna revert to my default.
Not sure where you hail from but check out the local AA meetings, there may be some in person happening already.
D