For me it’s because I don’t value myself, it’s like a self harm for me. Also another reason is bordem and loneliness but I cant change that environment until I’v been sober for a while but you have to try regardless. If your an alcoholic and you hate drinking but do it anyway then you better believe it’s because of mental issues or the environment that your living in and if you don’t sort those issues out you’ll be forever drinking because your pissing in the wind