Chris2

Dee made an excellent point.

I feel my alcoholism is definitely more due to unresolved issues and resentment on my daughter.

Do others just drink because they enjoy it to have a good time with company etc?

All thoughts welcome

kittencat

At first I only drank to have a good time in social settings but when I started drinking wine to cope (while alone at home no less!) I realized I had a problem. I took some online quiz of the 'are you an alcoholic?' variety and it said I had a drinking problem. Drinking alone and using alcohol as a coping mechanism? Check and check. Once I read that I began to feel shame, anxiety and disappointment in myself every time I drank. That little bit of knowledge took the fun away.

I tried moderating, didn't work. I've been sober for the majority of the last few years but sooner or later would slip again. I'm here for good now

DriGuy

I saw counselors thinking that if I could understand what unresolved problems caused me to drink, I would be able to quit. What I had to come to terms with was that I was addicted to alcohol. Plain and simple addiction! Any problems I did have were the result of my drinking.

someday147

I saw counsellors too thinking that if I could resolve childhood issues then I would be able to quit as that's what I thought my addiction stemmed from. That could well have been the case but once addicted any issues I had where just being compounded with interest by drinking though originally it did feel like a solution, as it helped me not to feel anything.

Anna

I know that my alcoholism was due to mental health issues. Depression and anxiety had plagued me since my early teenage years and I was exhausted from trying to cope and trying to find solutions to help myself that never ended up working. Alcohol pulled me in with a promise of relief. But, the relief was SO brief and the negative impact on my life was SO huge.

ciowa

Similar to others, I used to think hardships were the reason I drank so hard and my belief was that if I could isolate and resolve some issues like anger and grief then I would be able to control my drinking and not be a binge drinker. Put another way, I sometimes toyed with the idea of going to therapy so I could become a "normal drinker".

But heres the thing, my drinking had long passed the point of being normal and was out of control binge drinking whenever I started. And almost each time I started, I did so in a social setting like a bar, party, social gathering but Id end up the next day or several days drinking by myself.

What it comes down to for me is that issues I need to work through are much easier now that Im sober and they are less intense or even barely noticeable now that they aren't exacerbated by alcohol.

Scd619x

I always felt like crap so, to me, alcohol allowed me to be the person I wanted to be either in reality or in my head. Alcohol stopped me thinking and reduced my anxiety. Best painkiller I ever took. I demonised alcohol from the very start as i had been taught that it is wrong. At 17 i declared myself an alcoholic on my mothers recommendation and was telling people i was in pubs who would just scratch their heads as they knew real alcoholics. My best friends Dad died from alcohol related health issues when his Dad was in his early 40s, i reminded him i was an alcoholic too and he almost punched me out as my every other day drinking didn't compare to his dead Dads 24/7 7 days a week.

Steely

I thought if I resolved my mental health problems....anxiety; depression; lack confidence; low self esteem; guilt, etc., I'd resolve my drinking problem. It didn't work out that way. I'd crossed "the thin red line" with any return to drinking always involving a return to mental health problems.

Slowly I'm working on the anxiety etc., but it means permanent abstinence. Grateful I've been given the chance. Given myself the chance. This in itself is a huge step forward.

Take the "great leap forward", is my advice. It's so worth it.

brighterday1234

Alcoholism is alcoholism: regardless of factors I would have always had a physiological reaction which meant I felt an overwhelming compulsion to continue drinking once I started. Sure there were myriad of factors I had to work on/through to recover but even if I was at a state of total serenity and peace then the physiological side of the compulsion to drink more would be there if I drank again. Therefore the only solution is total abstinence.

novips

FWIW, my recovery is rooted in A.A. so that obviously informs my response here.

I define a "real alcoholic" as follows:
1. Has a physical allergy that manifests as always wanting more drinks after taking the first drink.
2. Has a mental obsession that keeps them picking up that first drink time and again even after firmly resolving never to drink again.
3. Because of (1) and (2), is essentially hopeless apart from some form of spiritual solution or "moral psychology" (Big Book, p. xxvii) -- essentially a fundamental shift of perspective.

Someone either fits that definition or they don't. If they do, then blaming their alcoholism on anything else merely enables the disease to keep destroying the alcoholic's life. Having said that, the Big Book also tells us that: "Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions." I understand this to mean that if all we do is come to agree with (1) and (2) above but never identify and remove the neurotic/destructive/delusional beliefs that block us from accessing the Power necessary to solve our problem -- then we'll just keep getting drunk. The way we "get down to causes and conditions" in A.A. is via the Steps.

phoebe64

Alcohol is the common denominator in most issues that cause me stress or concern, primarily my overall health and stamina, weight, and depression and anxiety. Sure, there’s a temporary balm or soothing effect, but that is met with rebounding anxiety and depression.

ScottFromWI

I believe that addiction is a distinct and separate issue/syndrome/disease ( or whatever you choose to call it). Certainly it is intertwined with other issues in our lives, and for me personally, my drinking was an attempt to self-medicate my anxiety. Remember that alcohol itself is a powerful central nervous system depressant, and it functions a lot like some drugs prescribed for anxiety - like benzodiazepines for example.

Having said that, I too tried to figure out "Why" I was an alcoholic for many years. And in the end, I was really trying to do so so I could fix whatever the problem was and start drinking normally again. The solution for me was to simply accept that I am indeed an alcoholic, and that no matter why, the only solution was to stop drinking permanently.

Aellyce

I think there are many versions, mental health is very complex and individual. But I also think it's perfectly possible to work on different issues simultaneously, just focusing on improvement, without trying to figure out the chicken and the egg (might not even be possible to tease that out). Even if the solution is not perfect or linear.

enaiddes

Good point. I think for myself there were countless contributing factors, for one thing I have bipolar disorder, which in itself turned me into a wild woman when I was younger and I’m not bragging, far from it. I hurt so many loved ones that at this point in my life I cannot bear the grief and remorse.

Kaily

I believe I was predisposed to have an alcohol problem coming from an abusive alcoholic family. But had I never tried alcohol I would never of become addicted, predisposed or not. You can't get addicted to something you have never had.

That said once the relief was experienced I wanted it more and more. To celebrate, medicate, commiserate - whatever. A drink was the answer until it wasn't anymore. Then you drink because you have to, you hate it but you do it. It engrosses you, it becomes you and will kill you ...unless you break free.

Its complicated!

Hodd

I’m not in any way disagreeing with your post, Chris, but I do worry when people start analysing why they drink whilst they’re still drinking.

The chances are they’re drinking because they’ve become addicted to alcohol. Something may have triggered that in the past, but the alcohol won’t have helped then or now.

I was a nasty guy at times in my drinking days. Even during the daytime when sober, I’d think negatively of others. That thankfully went away eventually after I quit.

I’d seriously quit drinking first and a lot of bad stuff will go away.

silentrun

It was a compulsion for me. I liked to have a few drinks and socialize often but then I kept drinking after I was down to drinking alone and didn't even enjoy it anymore.

MelindaFlowers

I had no trauma or abuse in my childhood and I became and end-stage alcoholic by 30.

Chris2

All posts have been fantastic and I'm only singling this one as it's basically written exactly for me too.

I've still got a long way to go but the posts so far have been really interesting.

Thanks all.

2muchpain

Stress and feelings of low self-esteem contributed to my drinking. I never felt as was as good as other people. Always felt like an imposter at work, so worked harder at work than others so they wouldn't find out I didn't belong. Every time I was critisized over something told me they were on to me, so had to work even hard to keep my cover. It was an endless cycle. Work harder, put in more time. It never worked. Had to find a way to relax and forget. Alcohol was the only way I new to do this. Obviously this was a disaster waiting to happen, but I was so focused on hiding what I thought was my weaknesses I didn't see it coming. I didn't just lose time with my drinking, but lost time with my family and friends. Lost a lot. Now drinking has become a lifestyle. No where as bad as it was, but it's still there. John