Yeah dude sounds like your AV.
Been there done that and played that game for years. Hell most people would of said I wasn't that bad of a drinker since I held down a job, paid my bills, and only drank from home on my days off. But it was like how people on the outside look like they have the perfect marriage and home life but behind closed doors where no one can see it's anything but a happy marriage.
Only you can be sure if you have a problem or not and only you can decide when you're ready to give it up for good.