JaseUK

Hey All
So here I am! I made it a week sober! I'm kinda amazed. But now what to do?

Well that's a tough question for me but using this website and hearing the wise words from all the wonderful people here has made me realise (if I needed any confirmation) that I can't go back to how I was.

But (and yes this may be my AV talking but please don't hate me) I also need to do it my way.

So this is the plan...

Tomorrow I'm going to get 3 of my (ex) favourite beers. I won't drink them until later in the day so I won't be tempted to go out to get more. Then it's goodbye to a friend that has become an enemy. From 1st June until Christmas week (20th Dec) I'll be sober. Then I'll take stock again. Maybe I'll stay sober or maybe I'll see if I can moderate. I know that's impossible for some and maybe I am one of those people. But I've never tried it before after a period being sober so idk.

Tomorrow is a bank holiday over here and 1st June will be an easy sobriety date for me to remember.

I hope you don't all think I'm crazy (even if I do!). I just have to have this final goodbye somehow.

FiveTries

It sounds like a really bad idea. No judgement from me, trust me, I understand.

I think the thing to do is keep going sober. Not always fun!

I don't think there can be a final goodbye for me. When I meet up with my exes I'll just fall back in love 9 times out of 10.

It doesn't matter what day my sobriety date is. I've used that idea too. I just need to stay sober today.

JaseUK

Well you may be right - idk. If you are I'll be the first to admit it. I appreciate you giving your advice tho; I really do.

Scd619x

I know people that used to drink 24/7 7 days a week and lost everything including their health, they are very successful in the rooms of AA as they were at rock bottom which allowed them to completely surrender and choose a new way of living. There is no way on earth that you are in the same position as them and odds are, even if you never stop drinking, that you never will be because it isn't your pattern. You've already identified why you drink, introverted and isolated. Who wants to feel like that? So what are you going to do? Most drinkers do not use alcohol to feel completely different, they may use it for dutch courage or to simply relax but now to change their personality completely! That indicates that you have a big problem without alcohol, as you are normally. If you address your issues with how you are without alcohol you might just not be interested in abusing alcohol that much anymore.

2ndhandrose

Jase, this is totally your AV playing games with you.

Why not, instead, make this where the rubber hits the road for you?

Rise above the sneaky AV and take the reins in your recovery.

You don't need goodbye drinks with the devil, man.

suki44883

Nah, that's a really bad "decision." What it really is, is a decision to drink. You've got it all rationalized out, but deep down, you know you shouldn't do it. You've got seven sober days under your belt. Why would you want to start all over? We all hope you don't follow through, but we can't stop you.

ScottFromWI

I am pretty sure you already know what kind of responses you are doing to get Jase, after all this is a Sobriety community.

I’ll just say that the decision you are making has been made by many, and In my ten or so years in the world of recovery I’ve never once seen it pan out ( moderation ). I tried it myself many times, so I do understand the thought pattern, but it is a flawed one brought on by our addition.

Best of luck in whatever you may choose, and I do hope you don’t harm anyone or yourself if you do choose to keep drinking.

TheSoberNord

Yeah dude sounds like your AV.
Been there done that and played that game for years. Hell most people would of said I wasn't that bad of a drinker since I held down a job, paid my bills, and only drank from home on my days off. But it was like how people on the outside look like they have the perfect marriage and home life but behind closed doors where no one can see it's anything but a happy marriage.
Only you can be sure if you have a problem or not and only you can decide when you're ready to give it up for good.

Anna

Jase, you've gotten good advice from our members. I'll just add that stopping is much easier when you fully accept the decision that stopping means no alcohol, ever. For me, that was when my brain started to come up with healthy ways to cope.

doggonecarl

There are more than a few people whose last post to SR read just like yours.

Dee74

Hi Jase

Everyone of us has had the thought that we might be able to drink normally now...’maybe that break reset me’ ‘maybe now those things aren’t happening it will be different’, ‘I’ve learned now not to rely on booze’...

I call it confusing abstinence for control. 2 different things.

The fact is a week off the booze isn’t really going to change anything for you Jase.

I know you set the week as a target and I understand your need to find out what happens, but I don’t think the drive is scientific curiosity so much as it is plain unvarnished alcoholism, man.

D

GerandTwine

Hi Jase,

I hope everything works out for you. I tried the exact same experiment you are about to do many times. I would by a sixpack and promise to drink three on Friday night and three on Saturday night. Well, Friday night I would drink them all and go out to buy more.

Be careful if you go out to buy more.

Did your Bestie unblock you from facebook, etc. yet? - due to your drunken behavior last weekend?

I know you mentioned you were drunk when your former gf almost died. Yes, life is short. Shorter if you burn the candle at both ends.

GT

Dee74

Scd I think you’d be better off posting your own experience, rather than trying to be devils advocate and covering all the bases.

For me, and 99.99% of other posters here our alcoholism was progressive. To suggest to someone that their pattern of drinking is somehow ok (!) and will never change (!!) is to my mind, a disservice - it’s something that you can’t possibly know and IMO, dangerous to imply.

D

dustyfox

Great advice, wow, your post sounded so like the kind of BS I used to come up with - and Jase this was only just over two weeks ago so believe me it's all still very fresh in my mind! Honestly living like this, is just exhausting isn't it? You know you need to stop because you have said so - and that's you speaking -perhaps trust yourself more - you are a good person. I just wanted to add that only a week or so ago I remember my brain hurting, feeling full of panic and anger that I was never going to drink again- almost my entire body was fighting against making this decision. It was so much the right decision to take - but it feels hard - but it is not hard and it is possible!

JaseUK

RecklessDrunk

There is a part in the big book of AA about a guy that wanted to be successful in business and around 30 or 35 years old I think it was. He decided he had to give up drinking. So he quit for 20 years or so and was very successful in business, he got rich. He went back to drinking. In no time he was back to his old drinking habits. He had all this money to throw at treatments but nothing worked, he was dead from alcoholism in a few years.

All a drink will do now is supercharge the obsession to drink. You are at a point where the ease and comfort of a few drinks are once again front and center in the mind. The more true and relevant memories of the depression and anxiety that are sure to follow are pushed to the back of the mind. Think the drink through. The problems resurface with overwhelming odds against you. We all think we are different, we can beat the game. ALL of us feel this way at some point! That's kind of what makes us alcoholic, possibly even a perquisite now that I think about it, that feeling of being different. I've met so many alcoholics over the years and have heard countless stories. Many different patterns of drinking and/or drug abuse with the same common denominators time and time and time again. We all at some point think, are convinced, my case is different. Here is some angle I can use, and the more we hang on to this idea the more nuts we get.

Think the drink through. Just how brief is the ease and comfort in reality? How long is the misery that follows? How permanent can the damage be from just one night of drinking?


The insanity of alcoholism isn't the crazy things we do when drunk. The insanity is when we are sober and aware of our condition and still want to consume this chemical. Knowing what it does to us. The risk of a big disaster and the certainty of the hangover and depression and anxiety to follow. Just wanting to take a drink is a form of insanity.

Lpg

Sounds like a lot of planning for 6 drinks between now and Xmas Jase. Is it really worth it? You have a week under your belt already which is awesome, why not continue? Your AV is trying to coax you back. Don’t let it! My AV done the same to me when I first started seeking support for my alcoholism. I had big plans of how it would be different this time, even tried it 3 more time’s over 7 months just to be sure...it wasn’t.

i hope you reconsider your decision. It’s great you came here to post this too before acting first. 24/05/2021 is a perfectly easy sobriety date to remember.

silentrun

Congratulations on your first week. There are people struggling that would love to be a week in already. What was the plan a week ago? Just to not drink for a week? This as AV mind games.

Edit: you've already started healing. Even if you could keep at under control that won't work as any alcohol interferes with that.

FBL

My experience only...

During my 29 year drinking "career" I thought about stopping hundreds of times. Even managed to moderate and/or stop for short periods of time. Even had some "farewell" drinks. Each and every time I came back to it and hit it harder and harder each and every time. Eventually, all of my mind games led me to physical dependence. It came down to get sober or die a slow, miserable death. That was now nearly 12 years ago. At age 55 I now have the kind of life (sober) that I could only dream about when I was 25 and actively drinking. What saved me from myself, was a total, absolute surrender. No more thoughts of moderation or bargaining with myself. That surrender was the ONLY thing that ever worked for me.

Ultimately, it's your life, your decision to make. We can offer our opinions and advice, but in the end you'll do whatever you want to do. I do wish you well. Maybe someday you'll be able to share your experience and help someone else along the way. That's all any of us can hope for.

sugarbear1

I support you and your decision. Go for it!!

I found that I had to commit to not drinking today. Anything longer and it was not going to happen.....

If this doesn't work, there are programs of recovery to work and rehab to attend, if neccessary.

Let's do this!!!