I appreciate y'alls kind words. I looked around for other online meetings and NA meetings in my city. It was all so overwhelming for me I just went to sleep. I know I should have sucked it up and found a meeting but I just couldn't find the power to do it. My boyfriend talked me out of getting into my trash stash, but I still crave a high of any kind.
I'm hoping my granddad will reach out to me and have me over. He's not exactly the kind of relative that you can just pop in on, otherwise I'd go there to escape the loneliness I face here. I have to either keep doing schoolwork, watching movies or TV shows, or one of my art projects or else I'll burst into tears. I'm looking forward to getting out of the house to work more often to just get out of the environment. It's nothing against my dad, I know he's a parent to all of us and can't pick sides, but I wish he could understand how much this is hurting me. It's not that my dad's help isn't enough, but I can't help but feel like recovery would be a little easier if I had my sisters' love and support.