Originally Posted by
comewhatmay 
Thank you for this post, PeacefulWater. This is so very true, I definitely needed to see this. Self awareness is very important. As for being self aware, I want to be able to assess myself, my actions and how my behavior affects others. I do agree people read us, and then act accordingly in a fashion that they know will reel us in or get them what they want. I can now see how my ex fiancé (substance abuse addict) worked his charms on me and I fell hard for him. I realize if I had been more self aware at the time, I probably wouldn't have become involved with him. I also would have left the relationship sooner. I can now reflect back on my lack of self awareness...it actually leaves me feeling quite embarrassed/upset/ashamed. As I was so incredibly blind and in denial. Playing back what happened, I can see how I confused my thoughts with reality. Things couldn't be anymore clearer to me now. Acceptance of my own role in the situation is part of the healing process, but not always easy. I'm regaining my old self little by little and I've learnt a lot from this experience. A hard lesson, but I will eventually come out better for it.
Thanks for your thoughts here, Come What May. We will come out the other end stronger and healthier.
Oh boy, I relate to the embarrassment. Oh yeah! Honestly the crap he told me and I lapped up!! Haha. The dreadful, hard life and suffering he had gone through. That his former wife did not understand him (what a cheesy line) and his business failed because his former wife did not support him in it (Um, no it failed because he was drunk all the time), that if I had been by his side, well he would have done great things and been amazing. It was just that he needed the right support. That I would have been that support.
I drank it up! I use those words deliberately. Us drinking up the crap and lies we are told is like an alkie desperate for a drink.
Thing is, addicts don't care about their partners. They don't. They just don't. Now for many years I was in denial that my late AH cared about me. He did not. They do not.
When we come new to this realisation that we are co-dependents, we think we are different and that our particular addict/alkie partner does care. They do not. I will say louder - they do not care. We are second to whatever addiction or addictions they have. Often way lower than second, often last place.
We tell ourselves they care, I am saying it again, they do not. It is common for them to discard us and move to the next codie and that is because they do not care! "Oh but I am different and special and "my alkie/addict" does care about me". No, they do not.
My late hubby did not care about me. I was useful to him. End of.
He "cared" for me when I was doing everything he wanted, the way he wanted it. He would be pleasant when he wanted me to spend time with him as he knew that was the only way I would remain in the room. I used to tell myself this was "quality time" with him. Snort, what a joke!
Gosh, it is liberating to say all of this.