Originally Posted by Bozo
Its like why bother. Is this the best this family dynamics is ever going to get. ...
...
I wont even bore you with the tears that are flowing right now.....
B - when I'm feeling like this, I HAVE to keep reminding myself that my perspective is really screwed up right now and all I can see is "bad stuff" - and it really really feels like it has ALWAYS been "this way" and that it will continue to be "this way" FOREVER.
When I hear myself using words like ALWAYS and FOREVER, it's a signal to me - to talk to someone, to get help, to do something nice for *ME* (even if that means go back to bed and it's only 1pm!)
I raised my son by myself - I also am guilty of yelling horrible things at him - worse yet, sometimes I think I really MEANT those things. It doesn't mean we're horrible parents - or horrible people. It means we need to get some help - some RELIEF - from the the disease of depression.
I've been battling maic-depression for 25yrs - since my son was 3yo. As *I* learned things, I tried to share what I learned with him as well. I had to explain that something was wrong in my brain, that it made me say/do mean things that I DID NOT MEAN - and most importantly - that I was seeing the doctor (+ whatever support groups) and I was working to be OK again.
My son is 28yo now - ALL of the icky things he + I went thru have served to make us very close. I never would have thought!
Vent, rant, cry - EVERYTHING you want/need to do! LET IT OUT!!
It has always amazed me how much I can figure out about *me* when I let myself just dump everything I can think of.
If nothing else, crying makes me tired enough that I can go take a nap and hide for a bit. Sometimes, I just need that.
Hang in there! *I* would miss you and so would ALOT of others here! **hugs** You're not the only one to feel like this sometimes. You're not alone any more cuz we're all here too.
Bright Blessings,
Blue