I started drinking with my wasband cheated me on my best friend of 30 years. I remember the day, it was friday the 13 in September of 2002 I believe. Funny how I really do honestly have bad luck on that day. Don't get me wrong, I didn't love him anymore. Since our first son was born he acted like a child who wouldn't get more attention than his son. It was the year after I had a special needs child and I have known her since I was 12.
Anyway, that was my excuse. That made him leave, because he wanted to be with her but that never happened. My issue was coping with 2 children on my own, one with special needs.
I realized I was getting into a situation that was a problem. After I drank everything he used to have in the house, I started buying heiniken. A six pack a day to forget to forget.. or at least not care about my situation.
I was here back in 07 abd 08 knowing I had an issue.. left because I kept blowing it.
On april 17 this year I almost died. My now grown adult children were there. I took a pill a friend of mine gave me, I was drinking and it was laced with fentynol.
They found me eyes wide open and snoring. They called 911 and my older son gave me chest compressions so hard on the phone with 911 and I woke up as they were taking me away (they gave me narcon) I was lucky I got out of there that night. My older son hardly talks to me now. He is angry and thinks I did it on purpose. No, I was just being buzzed where my inner critic was sleeping. I said I would stop again but truth is, I went back on booze the next day hiding it. What was I trying to prove? I dunno, sometimes I think I'm punishing myself. On purpose. For 4 or 5 days I still drank. Something on the 23 woke me up. It was my sons face as they were taking me away on the ambulance. I stopped cold turkey. I started counting the sober days. 2 days ago he told me "I don't know why your counting.. you'll blow it anyway" and hes right, I've said it 100 times.
SO today is day 21. I put a postie on my machine every day.. Yesterday my posting was old enough to drink, I joked. I am hanging in there. I go to a lot of zoom meetings and they help. Getting a sponsor helped, even though I didn't know I would have homework
I really feel like I will never forget that face.
Someday, I told him, he has every right to not believe me... someday he will and I hope to gawd he forgives me.
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Originally Posted by
Dee74 