Obladi

I feel for ya, Five. I was there somewhere around eight or nine years ago. Knowing that my drinking was "bad," it was not jiving with the impression I had of Who I Really Am. It felt dangerous and exhilarating. It was still sort of ok as long as I didn't get "caught" being completely Not Me due to inebriation. Come to think of it, that part followed where you are right now. And then it got worse. So much worse you can't even imagine and I wouldn't want you to experience it yourself. It feels like I'm telling a campfire story right now, but there is no flashlight under my chin and it's broad daylight and I'm just... relating to you in a powerful way.

I waited and waited for "something to happen" to jettison me out of this mess. Meantime, things just got worse. It's like I was a runaway train and I literally did not realize I was the only one who could stop it. "Where's the conductor, dammit??"

I don't know how to convince you to jump through the window with all of your might. You know that's what you need to do, but neither of us know what it's going to take to do that. I can, however, say that militant tactics were not effective for me, given that the enemy was me. I could surrender to my boozy self at any time because that was my prerogative. But what I ended up doing was making the same binary choice (or is it non-binary?) - I never drink now.

You can make the same choice. All it takes is the willingness to learn to live through the boredom and other negative feelings without drinking, no matter what. Sounds so simple, right? It is, but it was very hard for me. The good news is that I lived to tell the tale and am much more ok with myself than I have ever been. It took more than not drinking, for sure, but that was the start, the foundation.

I believe in you, Five

O