"I think we are addicts in our own way. We love the way they make us feel, special and loved. But it all comes with a heavy price doesn't it?"
Yes I agree we get heavily caught up in our addicts crazy life. I agree we become addicted to them. Our minds become consumed by them & not in a good healthy constructive way. We do pay a heavy price for it. The longer the relationship goes on & the more complicated the situation becomes, the heavier the price we pay. Its all extremely destructive.
You wrote in response to Blue - " Yesterday I cried myself to sleep, wishing it was all a dream, that I could go back to him and maybe handle the situation differently. I really truly feel like he was the love of my life and that I will regret my decision till I die. I don't know if I can deal with this. But at the same time, I know that the logical thing to do is stay away from him and not get further involved. I resent him for leaving me with nothing while he is out there building himself new. I am stuck in the past and the future with him and I don't even have the motivation to put my life in order. My dreams are shattered and I don't have the energy to make new ones."
I could have written any or all of those words myself. Please dont think for a minute you are the only one to feel this way. You are not! I can honestly tell you that I no longer shed any tears for her. I no longer regret my decision to walk away. I know I did the right thing. The only dignity I had left was to walk away. I dont live in my past but I havent forgotten it either. My future will be formed by the daily choices I make in my life. One day at a time.
Long term addicts cant totally change quickly. It takes a long time for their brains & body to heal from long term drug abuse. For many, its a life long struggle. Even if they are sincere concerning recovery, possible relapse is never far away. How many do you think can successfully achieve recovery all on their own no professional help while surrounded by the same drug using friends. Realistically few.
You need to focus on you. Youve gotten way too wrapped up & lost in his life. Its all about him. What difference does it make what he is building or not building. After I left I had the same thoughts but in reality mine didnt build anything. All the never ending BS continued (and then some). What about you & how you feel?
Addiction isnt a wolf - its a mindless monster. I liken it to terminator. They have no feelings & never stop.