kalinka123

Hi,

I don't have much experience dealing with alcoholics and am at a loss about what to do. My partner and I have been together for seven years and have a little girl together. Two years ago we moved to France, which is where my partner's family lives and this is where the troubles started. There are serious alcohol and substance abuse issues that run in his family: his dad had died from alcoholism-related disease and his two brothers are alcoholics. An year ago, my partner agreed to take in his older brother in, in order to relieve his mom, who has been taking care of him after his wife kicked him out for cheating. He stayed on our couch, watching TV and drinking 24/7, while my partner was filing job applications and searching for an apartment for him. Needless to say, my brother-in-law did not manage to find a permanent job. And I began to feel increasingly resentful. I have no idea what he was like before the alcohol, but now he is just not a nice person at all. He comes across as lying, manipulative, sexist, homophobic, egocentric and racist. Not to mention never cleaning after himself and shouting around the apartment, while the kid is sleeping. He did not and does not want to stop drinking or go to rehab, so everyone just pretends that everything is alright and he just keeps on drinking. Eventually, after half an year and countless arguments between me and my partner, he moved to an apartment nearby, rented and paid for by his mom. He was recently admitted to hospital and is now unable to live alone, so I see no other option than taking him back in. The thing is that I still feel resentful, I feel like I am losing control over my life and I just feel like a nasty human being for not wanting to live with him. Which is made worse by the fact that whenever I bring my concerns up, my partner feels like I am attacking him. I understand that he wants to help his brother but I feel like he is enabling him instead. I am also worried about my daughter having to grow up in such a toxic environment. What can I do? How can I stop these negative feelings and be more supportive towards my brother-in-law? He is nearly at his death bed and I am so wrapped up in my own negative emotions that I find it difficult to even feel pity. Am I just a ****** human being? How can you support someone who now needs care when he won't stop drinking? I apologize for the long post/rant, any advice is welcome!